Being selfish is defined in the dictionary as “lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure”. Depending on the circumstances, certain behaviours or actions can definitely be determined as selfish. Making others wait over three hours for you to get ready to go to dinner, changing plans on a friend because something better came up, or even neglecting to feed your dog because you need to watch the final 3 episodes of your show – sure, all of this can be named ‘selfish’.
But it’s not always this black and white.
Taking time for yourself to satisfy your own needs before someone else’s should not always be deemed selfish. Perhaps you’re a people pleaser and time after time your needs aren’t being prioritized over the needs of others. The energy you’re giving to others takes away from what you’re able to give back to yourself. Oftentimes, this happens at the expense of your own mental well-being. Your own health is pushed to the back seat without really understanding the consequences this may cause.
Saying no to others means saying yes to yourself
Before any changes can be made, you need to begin acknowledging the power of no. Saying no to others isn’t something that comes naturally; in fact, it takes a lot of practice to go about it without needing an excuse to validate your reasoning. But much like saying no has its implications, saying yes does too. Each time you choose to say yes to an invitation or request, you’re saying no to something or someone else. This someone you’re saying no to is yourself.
In the efforts of changing your behaviour to better suit your needs, here’s a list of 6 essential reasons why taking time for yourself isn’t selfish.
Selfishness is your own perceived judgment.
Judgement from others, especially those we care about, is a tough pill to swallow. As social humans, we take pride in our self-image. Through feelings of guilt and uncertainty, this perceived judgement of being selfish causes us to re-evaluate our priorities entirely. To fight these feelings, we go above and beyond to attend to others’ needs before even addressing our own.
Don’t you think that’s a little counterintuitive?
Placing more value on self-care doesn’t make the time you spend with others any less significant. It’s better to acknowledge that self-care comes from a place of love rather than a place of selfishness in order to dismiss any perceived judgment from others. As long as your intentions are coming from a positive place, this isn’t something you need to justify to others. It’s about making the perspective shift that helps you cultivate skills and self-awareness which also helps you make your decisions based on your own needs.
Solitude helps improve your mental health.
As social creatures, we grow accustomed to spending the majority of our lives in a social context. Although this behaviour helps establish relationships, enhance communication, and enable proper growth and development, it requires balance. Much like a battery needs recharging after too much use, we as humans do too!
Giving yourself the opportunity to spend more time on yourself helps you avoid the risk of burning out. Disconnecting from your busy schedule for periods of time to focus on yourself can improve your mental health by reducing stress, improving energy, and enhancing concentration. Acts of self-care can be as simple as spending a night in to watch your favourite show or taking a short break from work to go for a walk around the park. Regardless of your preferred pastime, your mental health will thank you.
It allows you to prioritize your goals and improve your habits.
Pursuing your own ambitions requires you to re-think your day-to-day. When your schedule is jam-packed, when do you get the chance to try the things that truly bring you joy? It might mean holding back on dating because you need to know who you are and what you want or it might mean staying home from a night out with friends to cook that new recipe you’ve been wanting to try. Given the chance to do more things that bring you joy helps you to improve your focus, motivation and even productivity. This can make a huge difference in achieving the goals you set out for yourself moving forward. You only have 24 hours in your day, maybe you’re sleeping for 8 of them, but why not make the best of what you have!
Self-care relieves symptoms of anxiety.
Overwhelming yourself with daily tasks can build stress over time. Although manageable at first, the valuable time you spared last week is eaten up by this week’s new commitments and tasks. The rising stress destroys your energy, causing fatigue, restlessness, and eventually anxiety. Spending more time on yourself allows you to refocus on your health so you can return to these commitments with a calm and focused mindset. Adding self-care activities that allow you to zone in on your senses, such as mindful meditation, deep breathing yoga, or even cardio exercises can relieve a lot of these anxiety-based symptoms.
It allows you to give back to others.
We have nothing to give to others if we haven’t given anything to ourselves first; simply put, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Neglecting to fulfill your own needs leads to feelings of unhappiness, reduced self-esteem, and even resentment in others. Giving back to others in a way they deserve requires the proper mindset, a pinch of motivation and a dash of energy. Spending time addressing your needs first will improve your attitude towards others, allowing you to become a more patient and nurturing caregiver.
Discovering ourselves allows us to grow.
The pathways to self-discovery is typically never a straight road. As we grow older, the path may change but the end goal remains the same. Gaining more awareness of the passions, motivations, and desires that fuel you to move through life can be dependent on the time we’ve given back to ourselves. This process takes plenty of self-reflection in order to develop your own life motives, values, and ideals. The better you get to know yourself, the more opportunity you will have to grow from the experiences that are right in front of you. There’s nothing selfish about wanting to better understand what makes, well, you.
Let’s Start Today
Investing your valuable time and energy on your own priorities isn’t a selfish act by any means. Instead, it gives you the opportunity to re-evaluate what will make you happy in terms of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Self-care puts you into a better mood, improves your energy, and transmits outwardly to improve the quality of the relationship you have and develop with others. Saying yes to yourself more often reminds you that your needs are important too. Paying it forward to yourself a little bit each day can make all the difference, trust me.